Monday, August 18, 2008
I am stuck in an endless paradox. The paradox of life.
Using my mind trying to get out of this paradox only reveals the limit of the mind.
Bringing frustration. Pain. Suffering.
Any strategy to get out is a strategy of the mind.
I am sick of living in this paradox. Sick of trying. Sick of searching.
Sick of trying to stop searching. Trying to stop. Sick of being sick.
Trying to find is futile. Trying to stop finding is futile.
Stuck. Frustrated. Sick of it all.
Please. Just end this now.
End
End
Now
Friday, August 15, 2008
Yesterday I went with some friends to see my favourite Swedish artist, Lars Winnerbäck. This was the fourth time I’ve seen him perform and even though it was a really good concert, it was probably the worst of the four.
Over the years, his music has been very close to me. I have identified with it in many ways, mostly because I have always felt a deep pain, but also a strength in his music. His music could be seen as dark and depressing, but I have never felt it so. Just like I myself can seem to be very negative and complaining when I speak, that’s usually not my feeling about things. Rather it has always felt like a realistic way of expressing things as they are. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel and speak about it, not avoiding anything just because it might be a bit sad or painful. The expression, “there is beauty in the pain” is what comes to mind. Not wallowing in it, but not avoiding it either.
His last album though was different from the others. For some reason I don’t really like it (there are, however, a few songs on it that are great). For the first time I felt like that strength had been broken, and there was a desperate, bruised feeling to it. Apparently he has gone through a rough time with his now ex-girlfriend and other personal issues, and for some reason it coincides with my own personal life. I don’t know if it is because of those same feelings in me that I don’t like his latest album, but in a way it feels like we have gone separate ways in one sense, and at the same time we are even closer.
It could also just be, however, that his latest album was crap!
Before the concert, another Swedish artist, Miss Li performed, and she was great! And she also sings in English.
