After the Swedish elections in September, the biggest evening paper started the campaign “we like different” as a response to the fact that the far-right political party the Swedish Democrats got 5,8% of the votes and seats in the parliament.* An honorable campaign, but one that also hides the real dilemma.

The problem with the “we like different” is that in general, it’s just not true. We do not like different. We like that which is familiar, and by defining ourselves as people who like different, we don’t have to admit to ourselves that we do get uncomfortable and nervous in front of people different from us.
We talk about that we are ok that the pizza guy is from Armenia and that the taxi driver is from Somalia, but how many of us consider these people our friends? Most of us like the fact that they are over there, doing jobs we don’t want anyway. We say we like to travel, but when we go to Thailand or Greece we live in expensive hotels and meet other tourists. In Phuket there is at least twenty swedish restaurants, with swedish chefs. On the radio they play the exact same music every day and we get stressed if we have to listen to music we are not used to. We all wear the same kind of clothes so that we easily can recognize people like ourselves. Our homes look the same and our political parties has never been closer in terms of opinions. Never before has internet and our economy made it so easy to find new things, new music, travel to new places and connect with people in other countries, but most of us watch the same tv-programs, listen to the same music and read the same magazines. Group behaviour is one of the strongest social traits that exists.

The fact is, we mentally resist everything new. It is hard when our habits gets challenged, when we are forced to deal with the new. Almost always we choose the easy way out and we feel reliefed that we don’t have to talk to the guy making our pizza. The person behind the counter is not a human being, but an object. Someone we make a transaction with. We give money in exchange for goods or a service, and then we go home and interact with people we already know. And the higher the tempo gets in society, the pressure on us increases, the less willing and open we become to accept the different and new. We only want to meet people who are different from ourselves if we can choose when and how, if we can control the setting, and that happens very seldom.
One of the benefits with Couchsurfing is that it makes it easier to get into contact with people from other cultures, to really start to relate to someone and understand their reality. To see the person and not only the role they fulfill.
The downside to Couchsurfing is that most members are like you. So you get to spend time with people with the same style as you, same opinions as you, the extrovert, well educated and liberal. Just like you.

Sure, that is a bit simplified, we are not all as narrow-minded as it sounds, and I have nothing against the campaign as such. The problem though, comes with our definition. When swedes beat their chests, proclaiming themselves the worlds most equal country you stop seeing your own limitations. You miss the fact that Iran has more University-educated women than Sweden. When we exclaim the politically correct “we like different”, we no longer have to take that step to actually meet the person, to really challenge ourselves to try something new. When we brag about our democracy we ignore how hard it is for new ideas and new political parties to actually take part in the debate, to get media space, the same media running this campaign.
What happened to Junilistan that got 16% of the votes in last times election for the european parliament? And what about the Pirate Party that got 7% in this times EU election? Who gave them media space for this years national election? Who helps The Feminist Initiative reach out with their opinions?
It is simple. Sweden is equal, so we have no need for a feminist party, we have a strong tradition of privacy and personal integrity so we don’t need the Pirate Party and since we have limited space in media, we just don’t have time for Junilistan (they were denied media coverage because they don’t have any seats in the national parliament, an election they don’t even run for given that they are an European parliament party only).
We are already perfect, so we have no need to let in new ideas and opinions.
But if we are so tolerant and like different, how did the Swedish Democrats end up in the parliament?
Is it shameful for the country or just an expression for a country that is not as perfect as it wants to project? That a lot of people do prefer a homegenic country?

The biggest problem we have is that we are not willing enough to be honest with ourselves and eachother, to admit that they self image we want is just not true. That no one, including the established parties are to scared to debate these issues, for fear of being labelled racists, that others will misunderstand and form opinions about us?
We are too afraid to admit that the labels we use to describe ourselves has nothing to do with whom we really are. What we really feel.  That our outer and inner world is not as black and white as we pretend it to be.
As long as we hide behind these labels, choose the easy way out, we will never really start to like different. Not really.

I can say out of my own experience that it is tough to try new things, to embrace the different, to expand your horizons. In the beginning it is really hard, but it gets easier over time and finally it becomes your natural way of interacting with  everything in life.
When I went to India for the first time it was a shock. A Long time ago I had horrible taste in music and was uncomfortable around people who were different from me.
You don’t have to do something about it, but I have found a deeper satisfaction in things that demands something out of you, a challenge to my habits and way of thinking, and it started by admitting to myself that I was not as tolerant and open-minded as I thought I was.

After writing the text about Hunter Valley the other day, about my years in the restaurant industry a lot of old memories has come up to the surface from that time, from the years at the Student Union’s pub in Västerås.

How much mad fun we had, the craziness.

We where all a bunch of happy amateurs that during a few years had the chance to run a restaurant with a million dollar in turnover.
When we got there we had no idea what we were doing, we had little experience. We were young, untarnished, ready to take on the world, filled with passion and energy. We learnt from eachother, listened with awe to our mentor and guru, Erkki, that owned the restaurant that we shared the kitchen with during daytime. He got to laugh and cry daily from all the brilliant ideas we tried, from all the stupid mistakes we made.

We re-modelled the house, the bars, the kitchen, without asking for permission, be spent thousands on things that were completely useless, organized huge parties and sold thousands of beer and drinks, some of which actually even tasted good.
I designed a bar despite having no prior experience building anything and then watched the contractors build something completely different. I learnt the hard way that Psychology Majors and carpenters speak different languages. Next time I’m hiring a translator.

We sacrificed our souls for that place. We learnt about ourselves, got to know eachother. We had obscene amounts of beer, ate innumerable baguettes and sometimes we even studied. In the end we didn’t even loose that much money as you might think, some years we even made a profit.
Several of us continued a few years in the industry in other places, but no other place could be like that place and today we all do other things.

Those years was a learning experience that taught us more about life than you can ever understand from reading our resumes and we who did it together will always be connected somehow. When we recruited replacements we never looked for what they knew, we chose those with that same passion, that glow.

We learnt that the important thing in life is not what you do, but who you do it with.