Thirty


30 years.

Yet, not feeling any different now than before. I am still I. Nothing has changed, and everything has changed.

The world is so different in so many ways. My body has long ago changed by the seasons, cells has fallen to the ground, joined the earth to become part of new bodies. It is a cycle on it’s own, yet filled with toxins, just like everything seem to be nowadays.
It is a given, that it will wither away and die, it is a given that fall will become winter and that the winter will be long.
It is cold in the far north.

But, there is also something beyond all this.
Something that is not a molecule in a cell, a chemical formula that can be affected by toxins.
There is a secret that is vaguely whispering it’s truths to those who are standing still enough to be able to listen.
Sometimes the whisper is so weak that you can hardly hear it.
Sometimes it is so silent that it’s heavy, lingering voice sweeps across the silent air of the night, like it was carried by the brave, untiring heroes, each with a loyalty and courage like ten samurais.

“I am here now”, it whispers silently into your ear.

It is time to let it in.

It is time, right now.
Now, when it has come and seeped in through the cracks of the window and like the smell of fresh, homemade blueberry pie slowly fill the house from the floor to the ceiling. It’s whisper is gaining momentum, it gets bold and more pronounced as the silence in the house grows. It is shimmering, you slow down.
“Is it time now?”, you hear your voice say.

Yes, it is time now.

It is time to give up your infantile dreams, your immature longing for the treasures of this world, your eternal striving for this unattainable happiness. It is time to set both of your feet on the ground, straighten your back. To slowly close your eyes, let your gaze come to rest and then to look up with shimmering eyes.. It is time to see with love in your heart, feel the smell of the beautiful existence of those around you, to give joy to everyone you meet with the compassion of your hands, the hands of a body that long enough has been the master in someone elses house.

It is time for this weak whispering to loudly be heard in the empty alleys, a distant light you recognize far far away, finding it’s way home out there in the dark winter night.

The master has come home to finally be the ruler in it’s own home. He speaks with a powerful voice. All is well. Finally we can sleep through the night, feeling safe. Now, nothing can threaten our existence.

We no longer have to search.

The waiting is over.

Status

I was waiting in line to get a visa extension for Thailand a while ago in Vientiane, Laos.

To get your visa you have to fill in a form. A standard form, just like all the forms we have filled in so many times before.
In almost all of these forms you should fill in your marital status. Why this is needed in the first place, I have no idea, but infront of me there was a woman who had filled her box with the words “divorced”.

I don’t care much for the children in Africa, but this makes me go insane. To “divorce” is an event, not a permanent state. When you have gotten your divorce, you are singel again, if you need to be anything. Just like a widow or widower. It is an event to loose your partner, not a state you can’t get out of. Or maybe we have the need to tell people that we did have a partner before, so that people won’t get the wrong impression about us?

You might think I get worked up for nothing, but these forms must be changed immediatelly!

If I start a campaign, are you with me?

San Francisco

I have been in San Francisco for almost four days now.

When I arrive I wander around in the Tenderloin, a neighbourhood in the city not really known for it’s fanciness. The entire area is filled with homeless people and addicts. Of all the people I meet, at least 80% are homeless.

I’m surprised by the lack of traffic in this part of the city, I was expecting it to be worse than Stockholm, but it’s calm and peaceful. The streets run in the typical american grid, making it easy to find your way around the blocks.

The state of California is the worlds 8th largest economy. Despite it being only a state, it is larger than most countries in the world. With a budgetdeficit reaching $41 Billion dollars, they are not doing too well though. The deficit only is larger than many countries total budgets.
But that California is a rich state can not be seen when you walk around the Tenderloin. The misery in the eyes of the ones I meet is worse than anything I have experienced in India, where people, despite the fight for survival, still show signs of humanity. For the first time during my trip I am in a place where I feel slightly threatened.

I talk to a couple during a barbeque, they are around 25 years old and they tell me that their greatest fear is to get sick. They don’t know if they can afford it or if the insurance really will cover the costs when they need it.

As far as I know, that thought have never even crossed my mind.

I ask myself, what happens to people when they already this young have to live, being scared or anxious over these kind of stuff?
How much time and energy goes to waste in this stress? How much focus is still there to give to their studies or to their work? How are we as humans affected to live in this kind of atmoshere of fear and insecurity?

Maybe California has become one of the riches areas in the world just because of the desperation to run away from this fear and insecurity?

Compensate your inner anxiousness by hunting for outer welfare.

No, I know this is not the only reason, but it’s worth pondering for a while…